Living the Lie
by historylover
Summary: There is a period of adjustment...


A/N: Just a very little something that was on my mind. Just a trifle. I should be working on other things, since I'm at work… but I don't want to.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. And, as always, I'm invoking the great MST3K mantra.

**Living the Lie**

Dean's new life was definitely normal. Or at least what he always perceived as normal. And, in spite of almost a year of living it, he still didn't quite feel he fit in.

People were nice, he guessed. But, he was a stranger without a real niche. A few of Lisa's friends remembered him—_The_ Dean. They weren't very subtle at staring at him and whispering about him. As if he was just an object.

He knew they didn't mean anything by their attitudes. In fact, everyone seemed nice. Surprisingly, people welcomed him with fairly open arms. Tried to help him make the most of his adjustment. They treated him like he was a stranger, but not a freak.

Even though he felt like a freak.

Of course, it may have helped if he felt even remotely connected to these people around him. However, he felt like an irreparable mar on an otherwise perfect piece of art. Like if someone had drawn a mustache on the Mona Lisa.

He couldn't let anyone know how he felt, though. So, he went to church with Lisa, whenever she went. Luckily, it wasn't every Sunday. But, it was often enough that he started knowing some others by name.

He went to work in a local garage. His coworkers were welcoming, and he had repeat clients asking for his services.

He drove Ben to school, played catch with him, went to his Little League games, but he was having a hard time connecting even to the boy. Too many bad memories. Too many bad dreams. Not enough innocence anymore.

Too much grieving over Sam. And even missing the hunt.

However, he honored Sam's last request. He was done with hunting. Although he occasionally talked to Bobby, he stayed cut off from other hunters. He didn't even investigate the rumored haunted house in town, although he was tempted. But, he was willing to lay down some serious money that this "haunted" house was just an urban legend.

Lisa expressed her concerns. She didn't want him hunting either. However, Dean knew she was worried about him. She kept asking if he was all right, and he always responded that he was. Lisa never pressed further, and Dean never volunteered.

However, she did keep repeating that he shouldn't keep beating himself up for how things went down. She expressed her opinion that it wasn't his fault. He didn't want to correct her—although he knew otherwise.

However, he knew that, in time, he would adjust. He was going to fake it until he truly felt like he wasn't a square peg in a round hole.

He knew he was fooling everyone else. Of course, most days, he felt he was even fooling himself. After all, this was the life he always knew he wanted.

So, why was he so unhappy?

Well, Sam, for starters. Everything in him still screamed that he was enjoying his life—the life that Sam always wanted—while his brother was in Hell. And, he was pretty sure that Sam was having a worse deal than he had. He also worried about Adam, knowing that an archangel in Hell probably wasn't being treated very nice.

He decided sleeping on Lisa's couch would be the best choice for everyone after keeping Lisa awake due to his nightmares.

It also wasn't helping that, occasionally, he felt like someone was watching him. He had that feeling pretty much since he hit town. At first, he was sure that it was the looks from the townspeople—wondering who this stranger living with Lisa was. And the leering looks from Lisa's friends (after all, he was _The_ Dean.) But, gradually, those stares passed.

The feeling that someone was watching him didn't happen all the time (after those initial stares passed). Most of the time, he didn't even notice feeling that way. But, sometimes…

Usually on a nice evening when he and Ben were playing catch. He would turn and see no one. Or the receding taillights of a car.

When he was at the park, watching the Little League games, he would feel eyes on him. But, when he would turn around, he couldn't see anyone.

Although Dean didn't feel particularly threatened by the feeling that someone was watching him—at least, he felt that the person watching him wasn't going to hurt him or his family—he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something not quite right the person watching him. As if the person didn't belong here, in a different way than what Dean was feeling.

At first, he thought the stares were coming from a ghost, and he secretly carried an EMF detector with him. But, nothing developed from that.

Briefly, he wondered if a demon was after him, but he dismissed that thought as soon as he thought of it. A demon wouldn't be staring at him so unthreateningly. Also, if he thought a demon was after his family, he would make sure that the demon would not be coming back from Hell.

He even thought that maybe Cas was still looking after him. After all, he hadn't seen the angel for a while. But, Cas was up in Heaven playing the new sheriff. He wasn't around.

Dean even considered that maybe the person watching him was _Sam_. But, Sam was gone. He wasn't coming back. Even though one time, Dean thought he caught a glimpse of Sam. Turned out there was another 6'5" hulk of a man around. He was disappointed that it wasn't Sam at that time.

However, even though it was crazy, Dean kept holding on to the idea that, by some miracle, Sam was out of Hell. Maybe Sam was checking up on him, making sure he was all right. Dean kind of liked that thought. After all, if Sam was out, he wasn't being tortured in Hell anymore.

It made living a lie more tolerable.

Too bad it was just a lie.

End.

A/N: I have an idea that when Dean and Sam meet again, it will be a repeat of their initial meeting in the Pilot, although in reverse. Sam will come to get Dean because he needs Dean's help. And, it might actually be a repeat of the sparring that happened in the Pilot when Dean broke into Sam and Jess' apartment. "Easy, tiger." Just a thought.


End file.
